WARNING: This is an actual Facebook post. Please stop putting this crap up there.

This morning, Jeff took the time to make my lunch and fix my breakfast of eggs and toast. I also saw a deliberately placed coupon for dancing lessons. I was blessed with a husband who makes me want to be a better person just by being who he is.

Two things:

1) Stop feeling the need to give everyone this level of detail about what goes on in your everyday life. Stop wasting our time by making us read about what you had for breakfast or what time you arrived at work. Yeah, it may only be about 10 seconds per post per day, but with about 1 billion Facebook users, that time adds up quickly. Life is too short for so many details.

Also, just doing some basic math reveals that most of your “friends” on Facebook don’t care about this level of detail about your day. I’m even willing to bet that most of your acquaintances that happen to like or comment on your post are just going through the motions, which also means they don’t care…

2) Stop putting mushy things like this on Facebook. What is this about? Do you feel the need to prove to the world that you love your significant other? Or do you need to prove to the world that your relationship is a happy and healthy one?

You could argue that I and others who don’t like to read mushy posts on Facebook are just miserable assholes, but let me point out that I LOVE mushiness, when it's done in the right place and at the right time - not on Facebook. There is a time and place for everything, including mushiness.

Stop doing this.

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Obama Socialism

Stop calling President Barack Obama a socialist. Why? Well, in addition to my arguments below, he simply isn't one. And if he is a socialist by some totally skewed definition, then he is a really lousy one.

The socialist label some conservatives give to the President is primarily for energizing the GOP base, or old, rich, white guys - and it works. Like any other lie, if it's repeated often and loud enough, it soon becomes fact to those looking for something wrong with Obama.

The myth that Obama is anti-business, or a wealth re-distributing closet socialist, has survived the lack of supporting empirical evidence with continuing help from ultra-conservative right-wingers spewing their garbage to millions of followers over the internet and radio. Every second the President has been in office, his efforts, such as financial and health care reform, reforming tax laws so that the top 1% and corporations pay their fair share, and stronger consumer protection, have been labeled as socialist.

But the facts don't support this claim. Our country's social, economic, and political systems are not socialist, nor have they moved towards socialism under Barack Obama.

Modern socialist countries exhibit the following social, economic, and political attributes:
  • Ruling parties with a monopoly of political and economic power
  • Central control of most, if not all, economic activities
  • State-owned companies
  • Totalitarian command-and-control methods
  • Illegal private enterprise
  • Suppressed political rights
  • Violence against dissidents
  • A command-and-control economy
  • Foreign loans to support the economy
The United States, on the other hand, its government, society, and free market economy are what informed people call "democratic capitalism." For example, although the United States Government had to bail out the financial and automotive industries, there was no effort to maintain control over those companies or industries beyond the bailout.

Rather, the U.S. Government sold off its ownership of those companies. Companies were not nationalized, but were instead sold off to private investors. A "socialist" policy would have meant government control over those who were rescued. That would have been socialism. But that did not happen.

Expanding the reach of government to regulate things like health care and the financial sector is not socialism. Providing social insurance and health care to all is not socialism. A centralized government that regulates private business to protect average citizens from the pitfalls of capitalism is not socialism.

There are many varieties of socialism and no single definition to encapsulate them all, but everyone can agree that socialism calls for the public ownership of the means of production and the ultimate goal of a classless society where everyone receives their fair share of the economic pie. That is NOT what is happening in the United States of America. In fact, it is the complete opposite. More and more wealth is being concentrated in the hands of fewer and fewer people while the rest of us are stuck with wages that have remained stagnant for the past 30 years.

Anyway, back to what you need to stop doing…

Stop regurgitating the garbage that is spewed from the mouths of the ultra-conservative, old, rich, white guys who fear a more tolerant and equal America. Stop repeating what the political pundits on TV are saying. Stop following along with other un-informed and under-informed citizens who can’t think for themselves and believe everything they hear on TV. Turn off Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck - they couldn't possibly be rich con-men selling made-up hysteria.

More importantly, stop calling our President something he is not. It’s simply not an accurate statement. You’re allowed to dislike him and make it known to the world that you don’t like him, but it doesn't do the United States any good to bash him with false claims for the purpose of political gain - or simply because you watch Fox News to understand the world.

For Christ's sake, stop doing this.

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Bar Fight Asshole

These bartenders explain how NOT to act at the bar. Trust them, they know what they're talking about.

We all need to watch this video, self-reflect, then stop doing these things.

A quick summary:

1) Stop annoying the bartender
2) Stop being ugly
3) Stop starting fights when you can't get laid
4) Stop being a jerk
5) Stop being irritating
6) Stop being obnoxious
7) Stop being a "head" word
8) Stop being icky
9) Stop being overly loud
10) Stop grabbing the bartender
11) Stop shouting at the bartender
12) Stop waving your money at the bartender
13) Stop showing up with bad breath

But most of all, stop being an "asshole", stop being a "shouter", and stop being a "whisperer."

Allow them to explain:

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Stealing Domain Names

Stop doing this.

In case you didn’t click on the link above to read what happened to Naomi, founder and owner of One Fit Foodie, here’s a summary:

When her two-year domain registration with GoDaddy was up, Naomi was expecting her domain name to automatically renew with the credit card they had on file. However, a simple mistake led to her losing her original domain name (which she had for 3+ years) to another registrar, who then turned around and asked for thousands of dollars to get it back.

Naomi simply forgot to update her credit card information on file so that the domain registration could be automatically renewed by GoDaddy. When she realized what happened and tried to update the information, it was too late. Almost instantly, another registrar took her original domain name, They didn’t do anything with it other than to wait for Naomi to come buy it back from them (or someone else buy it for an exorbitant amount of money).

After a few weeks of worrying and phone calls with GoDaddy, Naomi registered a new domain name,, and she is back up and running. It’s the same website with all of the same content her readers have enjoyed, just with a slightly different URL.

I, like Naomi, understand that this is how some companies make money. But this is crossing the line. This is a greedy, dishonest, criminal, and just plain mean way to make a living. Or in Naomi’s words, “This is also a nasty, scam to do.”

This is the first time I’ve heard of something like this. I had no idea this sort of thing happened, or how common it is. So please stop doing it... unless you're doing it to the Dallas Cowboys!

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Standing on the down escalator

...stop standing on the freaking down escalator people.

I can’t seem to wrap my head around how much people do this. It doesn't matter where I am - New York, D.C., Shanghai, Munich, Jeddah - people act like they can't walk as soon as they step on an (up or down) escalator. Even worse, some are so incredibly inconsiderate that they decide to stand on the left side instead of the right side OR take up the entire width of the escalator with their bags, luggage, or hips in some cases.

If you don’t want to walk up the UP escalator, that’s fine. I can tolerate that. I can understand that one. Some can be a really long ascent. Some days you’re just too tired. Sometimes you’re chatting with friends. Sometimes you’re carrying too much stuff. Or maybe you just finished playing a 90-minute soccer game. But stop standing on the same step on the way down. This is so incredibly physically and mentally lazy and, if you're doing so on the left side, incredibly inconsiderate.

Here's what you need to do: Just pretend the escalator is broken. That's it. Just pretend they are now stairs. Remember those things? You've walked down stairs before, right? Wait, let me guess. You also take the damn elevator even if you're going one floor up or down. Am I right? Jesus.

Now you’re probably thinking: “What’s the big deal if I don’t walk down the down escalator?!” Well let me frame my response like this: There are many benefits to keeping your legs moving while on an escalator. The most obvious benefit is the additional exercise you’ll receive. Then maybe you won't take up the entire width of the escalator or have to purchase two seats on an airplane. You’ll also help to avoid a build-up in traffic and get other people to where they are going a little quicker (in case they are in a hurry). That's called being considerate.

I’m not the only one who feels this way. Listen to what the Nirvana band members had to say about standing on escalators:

I don't know about you, but I listen to Nirvana whenever Nirvana talks. I think you should too. I think we all should.

Oh, and while I’m at it… since people will continue to stand on the down escalators no matter how much other people don't want them to, you need to do so on the right side. No, the OTHER right side, so people can pass you on the left - just like the highways. Wait, another guess: You don't stay to the right if you're driving slow, do you? Ugh.

And one more thing, stop mumbling under your breath things like “He must be in a hurry” or “They’re in a hurry to go nowhere” when I’m walking past you on the escalator. I’m actually not in a hurry most of the time. I just prefer to keep moving because of the exercise argument I made earlier and because I’ll get bored just standing there. And even if I am in a hurry, so what??

Okay, I'm done. Now stop doing this.

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Your Team Sucks

Actually, contrary to the picture above, "my" team does not @*#&$ suck. That's because "my" team is the Pittsburgh Steelers, or Penguins (depending on the sport), and they are pretty damn successful. So stop saying that.

Oh, and a side note: I'm also extremely loyal - I'm not one of those people who roots for another team or suddenly becomes a fan of another team when Pittsburgh loses in the playoffs or doesn't make the playoffs to begin with. I stick with them through thick and thin.

So I guess this post is also directed to the fair-weather fans out there. You especially can not be going around saying other peoples' teams suck. Ugh.

So stop saying my, or other peoples', sports teams suck when they clearly don’t. Stop saying the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox suck. Stop saying the Miami Heat or Chicago Bulls suck. Stop saying the Detroit Red Wings or Boston Bruins suck. Stop saying Manchester United or Barcelona suck. And especially stop saying the Penguins and Steelers suck.

Why? Yup, you guessed it. They don't actually suck.

You know which teams suck? The Cleveland Browns suck. The Washington Redskins suck. The Buffalo Sabres suck. The Milwaukee Bucks suck. The Houston Astros suck. Go ahead. Say it. It’s okay to say these teams suck because they do in fact suck.

But stop saying a team sucks when they don’t actually suck. Stop saying "your team sucks" or "they suck" as your only way of trash talking. Stop saying it as your only comeback. It may be an effective way of getting your point across, but it starts to get annoying real quick and frankly, you sound like a complete idiot.

So start putting some more thought into your trash talking. Start basing your arguments on who sucks and who doesn’t suck on at least one statistic or fact. Can you do that for me? Perhaps base your statement on some sort of logic?

Oh, and stop saying "my team" or "our team" or "we" when referring to "your" team. Do you play for them or something? Do you contribute in ANY way to their success or failure? More on this in a later post. But for now...

Stop saying a team sucks when they don't actually suck. Okay, I'm done.

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Soccer Diving

So I figured what better way to start ranting about things that chap my ass than to write about the thing that chaps my ass the most... flopping in soccer.

The worst part about flopping in soccer is that it is such a huge part of the game I love. See, flopping-or diving-is as much a part of soccer as the flat-back defense or the four-four-two tactical formation.

That's right, flopping is to soccer as much as whiny bull-crap music is to Coldplay or cheating is to the Patriots.

So how do I deal with the sport I love the most being tainted by the thing I hate the most? Well, it's tough. Sometimes I yell at the guy on TV to stop being a pansy and to get the (expletive) up! Sometimes I complain to the referee when it's obvious someone on the other team I'm playing against tried to win an academy award with his dive. But mostly I just stay pissed off because nothing has changed-and I doubt it will in my lifetime.

But I will continue to stand by soccer's side through thick and thin. I will be here through bad calls and through players who will chop you down from behind like Paul Bunyan then complain to the referee the second you give them a little muscle when you fight for the ball.

So, again, stop flopping in soccer people. Stop trying to deceive the referee and linesmen. Stop trying to get the player on the other team a yellow or red card by making a tackle seem a lot worse than it actually was. Stop hurting your team by getting a yellow card when you get caught. And stop holding double standards. But most of all, stop cheating.

Oh, and stop acting like a girl. Actually, scratch that. The girls don’t flop. So what does that make you?

Make fun of MLS soccer all you want because of the lower quality, but at least you don't have to put up with the flopping that you see in the Spanish, Portuguese, or South and Central American leagues.

I love soccer as much as anyone else. I’ve played my whole life and when I’m not playing, I’m watching. Soccer is what keeps me sane. It is my greatest passion. It makes me smile. It lifts me up when I'm down. Besides my loved ones, traveling, and tree-hugging, it has been my only lasting love.

But the sport has been tainted. Tainted by you. You the flopper. You the deceiver. You the cheater. You the… whatever is girlier than a girl.

So I’m asking you… No. I’m begging you. Stop ruining the greatest game on Earth. Stay on your feet when you can. When you can’t, stop grabbing a body part like it has just been shot.

But most of all, stop giving the beautiful game an ugly reputation.

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